Scottsdale, AZ
Desert Sunset - CLICK HERE
Scottsdale Hiking Tour - CLICK HERE
Phoenix Indoor Skydiving - CLICK HERE
After Dark Desert Tour and Navigating the Night Sky - CLICK HERE
Scottsdale Horseback Riding - CLICK HERE
Kierland Commons - CLICK HERE
Scottsdale Rodeo - CLICK HERE
20 Ways to Slow Down
I just finished The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, and it was an impactful read. I know this because it irritated me as I read, irritated because it called me out on all my crap. No one likes that, but after I was able to get over myself, the truth of what he was saying became clear to me. So much so that some of the things he was saying we should be doing, I found that I had begun doing them without conscious thought.
As Comer lists these 20 practices, he speaks with grace and allowance. This is his list - it does not have to be my list. While some of them are existential - if texting while driving is a common practice for you, perhaps you should question your life. Comer tells us to change the list any way that we like; make it our own. Just do something.
So that is where I am, trying to figure out what I am going to do, ergo, I am going to go through the list here and parse out what I am going to do about eliminating my hurry.
Drive the speed limit
This one is hard, but I am going to give it a shot. First, this means that I am going to need to get my crap together and not be late leaving anywhere. Second, it is just a habit, and those are hard to break. But there are some positives. I have come to like my drive to work and home (1.5 hours) because it allows me time to listen to all kinds of media. Listen to the bible app? Check. Baseball podcasts? Absolutely. Great stories? Those podcasts are everywhere.
2. Get into the slow lane
This one is easily harder than #1. This is the lane where people who do not even do the speed limit hang out.
Painful.
Upsides? Maybe I can save money on gas and listen to even more podcasts.
3. Come to a full stop at stop signs
This one goes hand in hand with #4 - this one could save lives.
Also, having pulled out in front of someone in the past still causes me some stress when I cross a country road, so going slower will give me the time to process.
Oh yeah, obey the law too.
4. Texting and Driving
I could sit here and tell you all of the bad things that can happen to you and other people, but you know that.
The whole idea of being present and being present while hurtling down the road at 70 mph seems like a pretty good idea.
5. Show up 10 minutes early for an appointment without your phone
This one I do already after a sort. For example, my lovely bride always tells me that she will check me/us in when we go to get haircuts. I tell her that I will just show up and go from there.
Now the part about the phone is harder. I have sat there with my phone getting to the end of the internet while I wait. I should be reading, or praying, or just examining the world around me.
6. Get in the longest line at the grocery store
Impossible. Nigh impossible. Why would anyone want to do this? After fighting through aisle after aisle, dropping money as if I have lots of it, you want me to spend even more time there? I become totally frenetic at this point. If I am with the boys, it is when I become the most curmudgeonly. I do not want to interact with the checkout worker while I toss endless items onto a moving belt designed to efficiently take me to financial and emotional ruin. I WANT TO LEAVE!
Yes, it has occurred to me that this is the very reason I should do it. Learn to deal with who I am in this moment.
7. Turn your smartphone into a dumb phone.
JMC tells us to take away some of the things that make the things so dang alluring.
Remove:
Email
Social Media
Anything that does not truly make life easier/better
Social Media and Email are to be done on the computer at set times of day for set periods of time.
He speaks of changing the color to a gray scale; pretty much makes it gross looking.
This actually makes sense to me because it is the object that is more likely to stop me from being present in any given moment.
There are some apps he keeps and uses on the phone - Instagram and Twitter, but Comer believes that Facebook is the worst, a terrible place where conservative Christianity goes to play, and it should never be used.
8. Parent your phone; put it to bed early and have it sleep in
I talked to a ton of people at work, and this one is tough. When I brought up the idea of leaving your phone in another room, it did not go over well. There were lots of reasons. From it’s my alarm to that’s what I do before sleep - there was lots of pushback.
I am going to try this one - to the right you can see the alarm clock I am considering getting.
9. Keep your phone off until after your morning quiet time
This one is both easy and hard. If you have a routine that you follow in the morning, not as hard to leave the phone alone. If you don’t really have a consistent routine, it is probably going to be a more difficult task not to check feeds right off the bat.
Its a good time to read your bible, or just read while enjoying a cup of coffee.
10. Set times for email and social media; do not check them randomly
This one. This one is pretty sucky. I say this because I find myself caught by this one a lot. Ashamedly. Walking down the hall for 10 seconds - what’s on Insta? After reading, I am now at least noticing it. But it’s worse; when I do catch myself and leave my phone in my pocket, it is uncomfortable. So I am so addicted to the dopamine hit that it feels bad when, during a 100’ walk down the hall I can’t take my phone out?? Pitiful.
Now, when I am walking here to there, when I think of it, I put the dang phone back in my pocket and just be present.
11. Take a regular day off each week
This is another one that is really, really tough. I know what we are told to do, but I am losing on this one to the world. There are so many things we do on the weekends that I often look forward to Monday because that is when I can slow down. When I start to feel worn out by this, I try to remember that my children are not going to be here forever and that someday I will look up to a really quiet house. I do not want to regret any of my time now and how I spend it.
12. Take up journaling
This one I already got beat. I have journaled extensively over the last 3 years. I use my iPad and a handwriting app to detail my little existence. I really like it because I can add pictures, which really makes it look cool and helps me remember all of the moments that go by so darn fast.
13. Experiment with mindfulness and meditation
To be honest, I am not always sure what being mindful is. Is it being aware of certain behaviors? Is it being aware and then changing behaviors that are damaging? Work in progress there.
Meditation - I have started messing with this again. I say messing because I have done it before…and promptly fall asleep. But from this book, I have a new tactic. I think of Jesus the entire time. The gifts, the forgiveness, just…Him. Doing this, I am trying to hear Him speak to me. In the quiet.
Still not good at it, but as with all things, it is a work in progress.
14. If you can, take long vacations
According to JMC, your relaxation peaks at day 8 of a vacation…I cannot even come close to remembering what that is. I mean, I have summers off, but they are busy as all get out now. I know I have never taken a vacation that long with Libby, for the usual reasons: money, time, blah-blah. This is something I will probably be able to do someday, but not today.
15. Cook your own food and eat in
This is one I am willing to do a lot more of. I feel like we can do a nice meal for $50, and that is about half of what it costs us to go out. I understand that you have to cook it and then clean it up. Totally get it. But I like to do it. Maybe I need to just tell Libby that I will both cook and clean. I know she hates that - not that I blame her, just think it would make sense both nutritionally and financially
16. Eat more slowly
This one seems like a no-brainer. You feel full before you have thirds on the mashed potatoes, and you get to enjoy the company of your family for a longer period of time.
I am one of the worst at this, and I need to work on it. When dinner is done, I am out of there and on to what’s next.
17. Single Task
I have seen data that multi-tasking is a myth, yet I sure give it a go more often than not. I always say that when teaching, I have to be able to have 7 conversations at once and do 3 other things. I know that my quality of work improves when I only focus on one thing, but it is surely a tough habit.
18. Walk Slower
I was able to do this at one point in my life, so much so that people complained about it. Now, I seem to motor on just like everyone else. When I am going from one class to another, I am pretty much zooming. I need to mosey more often. This is a time and place thing, though. If I walk slowly in the hallway, I will be run over by 23904523 sophomores.
19. Take a regular day each month for silence and solitude
This would be great! I already have it planned out. I get up early and drive to a state park, such as Turkey Run. Go for a nice long walk. Stop somewhere to sit and listen.
20. Take up a hobby just for the fun of it"
I am a teacher, which means I am not rich and will never be. With that being said, however, I am gainfully employed, so we do not have to worry about food. So my fishing hobby is ultimately for no reason at all, and I am totally in love with it.
Look, I do not know how this is going to all turn out. There are a lot of things on this list that I think seem really obvious and easy to do. Others seem really difficult at this point in my life. Comer makes it clear that you do not have to do all of these things - just do something. So that is what I am going to do. Stay tuned.
Film as Literature - Tri 3 Movie List
Well, here it is - The List for my third-trimester Film as Literature class. Since I know I will need to validate my choices repeatedly, I will do so here. Per normal, I will leave the box at the bottom open for you to send me your vitriol.
Casablanca 1947
The Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman classic. In black and white. Historical and propaganda-laden romance film that is almost universally disliked by students - I hear about it often. Alas, it is a classic film with some of the most recognizable quotes of all time. Sorry kiddos.
Rear Window 1954
This is a truly underappreciated film featuring Jimmy Stewart and the Princess of Monaco, Grace Kelly. She makes quite an entrance, and the gender discussions underscore a good thriller. Jimmy Stewart is basically in a chair the whole time and experiences some truly terrible special effects at the movie’s climax.
Knives Out 2019
Classic whodunnit with a great ensemble cast. This was the first movie I saw with Anna DeArmas in, and she plays her role very well. Keeps you on the edge of your seat until the end.
Million Dollar Baby 2004
Tears, they are inevitable. Unless you have no soul.
Inception 2010
Easily the hardest movie to follow we watch all trimester. Great special effects and character arc from Leonardo DiCaprio.
10 Things I Hate About You 1999
First trimester, I was told in no uncertain terms by some of the girls in my class that my list of movies was filled with “dude movies.” Upon reflection, I realized they were right. This movie came to mind really quickly. A coming-of-age film that is based on Shakespeare’s Taming of the Shrew, it is filled with teenage angst and invective, enough so that the comment about “dude movies” died out pretty quickly.
A Few Good Men 1992
There are a good many courtroom dramas that are really good. The Rainmaker 1997 or Runaway Jury 2003 and lots more, but this one is one of my favorites. Great actors, good arcs, good film. Rob Reiner, RIP.
Perks of Being a Wallflower 2012
Another coming-of-age, but far more serious than 10 Things. This one deals with serious issues that are part of the becoming an adult - issues that are more and more prevalent in today’s high schools.
Good Will Hunting 1997
This had to be in the list. There is such a cool amount of lore regarding this film - for instance, they almost lost the rights to it until Miramax (yes, Harvey Weinstein) came in and let them do it, but only after Robin Williams signed on.
It is unquestionable crass and coarse, but you could write books on the character arc of Will Hunting alone. Standout film.
Juno 2007
Underneath all of the fast dialogue and good music, its a pretty thoughtful story and responsibility, identity, and growing up faster than you might have wanted to. Jason Bateman also plays a total ass (not the likable one he plays in so many other movies) really well in this movie.
Finding Forrester 2000
This is just such a great film, a movie about writing disguised as a basketball movie. Rob Brown, who plays the protagonist Jamal Wallace, auditioned trying to get a position as an extra to pay off his cell phone bill. Gus Van Sant of Good Will Hunting fame saw something in him and gave him the role. It has a great score as well, very fitting for the imagery.
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days 2003
More reaction to my “dude movies.” This title came up and I had access to it, so I went with it. Its…okay.
7 Pounds 2008
Before he was assaulting people at awards shows, Will Smith made some pretty good movies. This is one of them. The end is really amazing and I did not see it coming at all. This one brings tears.
Shawshank Redemption 1994
If you do not know of or like this movie, I just do not know what to say to you, you uncultured swine. “Get busy living, or get busy dying”
Up 2009
Perhaps this movie resonates with me as I continue my march towards looking like Carl Fredericksen, the old man on the right. Or it is because I was lambasted for not having a single animated movie on the list.
I have not been teaching Film as Literature very long, so initially I was not going to change the lineup too much. Well, enough of that. There are several movies on this list that I have never used before so I will be interested to see what kind of reaction they get. Good reviews or bad reviews, I am sure I won’t have to wait long to hear what my students think.
The Road by Cormac McCarthy
I am always on the lookout for another book to read. Saw The Road by Cormac McCarthy in the library at school, which, by the way, does a really good job of putting books out for students (and teachers) to see. I noticed that it was a Pulitzer Prize winner, so I thought it would be a good read. I asked Sarah Gibbs, WHS's everything person, about it and became more intrigued. Libby app here I come.
Goodness gracious, this is a depressing read. It is ponderous and macabre and morbid, yet all the while hauntingly fascinating. The Road is a stark novel that takes storytelling down to the bare essentials. Set in a post-apocalyptic world where civilization has totally collapsed, the book follows a father and son as they journey south through an utterly destroyed America, where the only hope is to try to survive another day. There is no explanation as to why the world ended, but there are clues along the way. I believe that this was an intentional choice. The story is less about what happened and more about what remains when all things familiar have disappeared. This yarn is about enduring hardship, love, and attempting to maintain one’s moral compass. In this world there are no rewards for goodness of character.
This picture pretty much depicts the gray nature of McCarthy’s writing - drab and dismal.
For me, the writing style was painful. McCarthy’s prose is Spartan and fragmented, which adds to the overall unsettling nature of the book. There are no chapter breaks; it feels like one long stream of consciousness. But what was the most difficult to parse was the lack of quotation marks in the dialogue. It was challenging at first, forcing me to slow way down and sit with each moment, making those moments even more poignant. This method also seemed to become more and more effective as the novel progresses. McCarthy manipulates emotion with the amount of dialogue that he uses as well. The silence between dialogue sets echoes the emptiness of the landscape and emphasizes how little comfort language itself can provide in such a bleak setting.
At the heart of the story is the relationship between the father and the son, which provides the book’s emotional core. Fiercely protective, the father will stop at nothing to keep his son safe. The boy is all about compassion, innocence, and morality. The phrase, “carrying the fire,” came to represent the preservation of humanity and ethics - the values that were prized before the apocalypse. This resonates with me. As a father, one of my primary responsibilities is to protect my family, and this book had me pondering how far I would be willing to go to ensure their safety. Would I be willing to forego my humanity to protect my sons? If survival necessitated cruelty, I think I would be on the side of the father. I assuage the guilt this causes me by telling myself I am just being as pragmatic as the father in the story. His pragmatism and the boy’s empathy created difficult questions about what being “good” meant in their broken world.
The dichotomy that hinges on “carrying the fire,” while clearly the main point of the story, was not enough to keep me from wondering over and over about what destroyed the planet. There were pretty significant hints along the way. McCarthy wrote about the ever-present ash that covered everything, and it got me thinking about what would cause that. I considered nuclear war, whose holocaust would cause a nuclear winter that would fit with many of the planet’s symptoms, but radiation was an issue that was never spoken of. Meteor striking Earth? Maybe a super volcano exploding? Both of these would leave ash covering the land for thousands of miles. This ash would destroy plant life as well as block the sun, which would account for the cold temperatures that father and son were constantly battling and the lack of plant life. I went online and discovered that I was not the only one who was asking these questions, but unfortunately, no one had any answers that were better than mine.
McCarthy doesn’t fear exploring the baser side of humanity by examining what people will do when they are afraid, isolated, and with the world in total moral collapse. When push comes to shove, people are capable of truly horrifying acts. If you and your family are about to die of hunger, cannibalism becomes acceptable. One of the worst scenes is when father and son find a basement filled with people who are kept in chains, missing various body parts that have been cut off, cooked, and eaten. With all that being said, the story is never allowed to be totally hopeless. Along the way, small acts of kindness, trust, and the loving bond between father and son demonstrate that goodness can exist even while society has devolved. This up and down between goodness and hope is what kept me engaged, willing to process the depths of depravity and keep reading.
On the Road is no walk in the park, but it does leave a mark. It forced me to question what I would do were I in that situation - where would I stand regarding my morals and ethics if the concept of just getting through the day was where my focus lay? It left me thinking that no matter what happens in life, some things are worth “carrying the fire.” Love of family and the ideals of right versus wrong are to be protected no matter the cost.
It was with mixed emotions that I finished the book - McCarthy adroitly weaves a tale that is a marathon of distress and anguish that I was happy to finish in some ways, yet a beacon of perseverance and hope in others. It is still something I think about.
This is a deep dive
Recently my Film as Literature class watched Good Will Hunting. If you haven’t seen it, man you are missing a good one. It has some of the best writing and character arcs that I can think of. That plus an amazing performance by the late Robin Williams (Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor 1998) and the explosive arrival of Matt Damon and to a lesser extent Ben Affleck, it tells an amazing story of recovery and self-discovery.
What this post is about, however, is a response to a scene where Will, played by Matt Damon, argues and eventually breaks up with this girlfriend Skylar, played by Minnie Driver. In it he becomes very angry and displays some violent tendencies by punching a wall and basically losing his crap. Students vehemently dismissed Will as just another bad guy and that Skylar was better off. Tough to argue with really. I told them that if a significant other treats then that way, they should bail. Done and done.
This case is very nuanced. I always say that the ‘what’ of a situation is very easy to see, but the ‘why’ is always more nuanced and complex - it takes some work to get to the bottom of. Note: I am not letting Will off the hook; he/we are responsible for our/his actions and the inevitable consequences which follow. I just wanted to take a longer look at his why.
This look started with a book by John Yorke entitled Into the Woods. It talked about the manner in which writers create characters with foibles and the way in which they make them feel real and relatable (eventually) to audiences. It starts with your hero/protagonist have a real issue that they are totally unaware of, usually brought on by trauma (AKA - The Wound) and that initially they are totally blind to it. The story that takes us on a journey where a veritable army of people help them see the problem and deal with it. I did not purchase or read the book, I was able to find enough excerpts from it that I was able to, along with other websites, put together some thoughts on how what he wrote applies to the character of Will Hunting.
I read and watched and wrote. And wrote. And wrote. Before long I had a 3 page document. that I know my students would attempt (and probably succeed) to lynch me if delivered a lecture/discussion covering all of it. But I wanted them to have the information - so I made a video that went nicely along with the document. The document is below along with the video if you want to go down this rabbit hole with me.
If you don’t really want to read this treatise on my ideas of psychology and Will Hunting, you can also watch the video that I made that represents some of the concepts that Yorke talks about and assimilated into a much easier to digest package - maybe.
Oestreich
FAL
Good Will Hunting
Will’s defense mechanisms and emotional catharsis
Into the Woods - by John Yorke
"...story matches psychological theory: characters are taking on a journey to acknowledge and assimilate the traumas in their past.
By confronting and coming to terms with the cause of their traumas they can finally move on."
How do characters use defense mechanisms to protect themselves?
How are supporting characters designed to help weaken those defenses?
How do these elements work together to create a powerful catharsis for characters and audience?
The Defense Mechanism
stories with a positive change arc, the protagonist starts with a weakness
a lie they believe about themselves or the world that they will have to overcome
weakness is usually rooted in some past trauma
often referred to as 'The Wound'
In GWH, Will's wound is his awful childhood - terrible abuse at the hands of his foster father
Wills wound/weakness - the belief that stepping out of his comfort zone will lead to emotional pain.
weaknesses become behavior through defense mechanisms
Yorke "...ego defense mechanisms are the masks characters wear to hide their inner selves; they are the part of the character we meet when we first join a story, that part that will -- if the archetype is correct -- slough away."
We see in Will's first therapy session his fear of exposing his wound results in his defense mechanism - mocking the whole reason they are there
When the session begins, he doesn't look at Sean, and seems more interested in the room
When Sean tries to connect with him, he changes the subject, talking about the books.
Here he is flexing his intellect trying to intimidate and making Sean feel small.
None of this affects Sean, who can keep up with Will and parry his smart ass quips.
Bit about lifting
So will looks for a new tactic, one that might hurt Sean directly
Analyzes his painting which finds Sean going after Will and Will being helpless
This scene paints a clear picture of how will uses his defense mechanisms to avoid dealing with uncomfortable situations
Yorke "The key to writing a good defense mechanism is that the characters themselves are completely unaware that they are exhibiting defensive behaviors...the other characters in the film and the viewers in the audience watch the heroes and become frustrated with their obliviousness to their own glaring problems."
Will's biggest issue is that he is not aware of these defense mechanisms and it will take small army or characters to: Wear down the Protagonist's Defenses.
Lambeau notices his genius and tries to set him up with great jobs.
Skylar is unlike any girl he has ever met
But to pursue these opportunities Will would have to leave his comfort zone and take risks -- which is what he is most terrified of doing.
- so he unconsciously uses defense mechanisms to justify his inaction
Consider the way he turns down the job as well as how he breaks things off with Skylar
- they are both worst case scenarios
Rationalization - explaining his decision(s) in a seemingly logical manner to avoid the emotion behind it.
Sean, "You're always afraid to take the first step because all you see is every negative thing 10 miles down the road."
- when Sean asks Will to tell him what he wants to do, he is showing Will the truth that he is hiding from.
Skylar - asks him to go to California
- Will once again jumps to the worst case scenario; that they could be in California next week and Skylar could be done with Will and he would have nowhere to go.
- Skylar doesn't allow him to rationalize his refusal and calls him out on the real issue: "You're afraid that I won't love you back. You know what? I'm afraid too. But @#$% it, I want to give it a shot and at least I am honest with you."
- Skylar forces Will to see the truth he is hiding from - but Will isn't ready to change yet, so he uses an even harsher mix of defense mechanisms are triggered.
- When Will looks her dead in the eye and tells her he doesn't love her - it is a small-scale form of regression returning him to an earlier safe state -- before he was in an emotionally challenging relationship with Skylar.
- when Will wasn't with Skylar he didn't have to be emotionally vulnerable and that is far easier than dealing with risks and how he is actually feeling.
Regression is one of the biggest ways that Will avoids leaving his comfort zone - his friends
- They are immature, yet fiercely loyal and provide Will a place where he is never going to be challenged or have to grow up.
- Will convinces himself that it is okay to sacrifice job opportunities and relationships because he will always have a home with his friends.
But Will is in denial about what he really wants
In steps Chuckie - his closest friend in the world, and calls him out on his BS
- Chuckie forces Will to see the truth he is hiding from
Turning point in the film - Will realizes the only person keeping him from moving forward is himself
Will lowers defenses, but not yet - No meaningful change has occurred bc that requires catharsis.
Catharsis
The dents that have been made in Will's emotional armor throughout the film -in the films climactic scene, Will finally releases his repressed emotions.
- Will realizes that Sean has his file detailing all of his physical abuse
- they commiserate about their painful childhoods
- Sean looks for a way to get through to Will.
"It's not your fault"
As Sean repeats this phrase, Will goes through his arsenal of defenses:
- makes light of it
- then he claims that he has gotten the message, hoping Sean will stop
- finally Will turns to aggression
Through their time together, Sean has learned all of Will's defense mechanisms and refuses to let him escape the situation until all of Will's walls are torn down.
- Sean takes Will in his arms and holds him like a child
- 2 lonely souls being father and son together
The events of the plot have brought Will to a place where he experiences a psychological catharsis - and when we went on the journey with him, the audience experiences a dramatic catharsis.
Good stories draw us into their world and make us empathize with the struggles of the characters.
We witness their inner conflict as they avoid the very thing that will make them whole, oftentimes recognizing that same behavior in ourselves.
We root for the cast of characters around them and hope that they can help show our hero the truth that they are hiding from.
If the story is written and executed just right, we also experience a much needed catharsis.